Finding it hard to be happy with life and to love it. You only live once right?
Funny thing is, I'm so used to being unhappy, so used to working hard, so used to not having any more than one friend at a time, that sadly, I think I may prefer it... Sad, I know, but we become conditioned to certain things over time. I've been conditioned to be unhappy (Whilst pretending to be happy in order to keep everyone else happy), lonely (I've never really been encouraged to be a family person and have always prefered to be in my own space, so I can be myself) and to please everyone else (I actually would rather please someone else than please myself to be honest.)
Reading this you may think I'm crazy, that I'm not normal, that I am just anti-social or maybe just seeking attention. Maybe you think all of the above. You know what? It really doesn't bother me what you think. Besides, everyone is crazy in their own ways (Yes, everyone;) no one is normal, which makes normality abnormal (Negating the meaning of normal anyway;) I love being around people, but it's a lot of work when you can't be yourself around them and I can't stand other people's attention being on me. It makes me nervous, my mind builds a wall to stop me thinking, and I shut down inside. Honestly, I don't like it, but that's what happens. You have a problem with it? Your problem not mine.
Yeah I may try to be awesome, everyone does. If you say you don't try, you'd be lying. Everyone tries. Doesn't mean I am awesome. I too have had my dark moments. I too go through crap and become confused; sometimes more than anyone else could possibly imagine, due to my past. Just because everything appears to be fine on the outside with the exception of some of my words and actions, I have so much going through my mind that sometimes I just need to pensieve. That's pretty much what I'm doing now.
Reading this you may think I'm crazy, that I'm not normal, that I am just anti-social or maybe just seeking attention. Maybe you think all of the above. You know what? It really doesn't bother me what you think. Besides, everyone is crazy in their own ways (Yes, everyone;) no one is normal, which makes normality abnormal (Negating the meaning of normal anyway;) I love being around people, but it's a lot of work when you can't be yourself around them and I can't stand other people's attention being on me. It makes me nervous, my mind builds a wall to stop me thinking, and I shut down inside. Honestly, I don't like it, but that's what happens. You have a problem with it? Your problem not mine.
Yeah I may try to be awesome, everyone does. If you say you don't try, you'd be lying. Everyone tries. Doesn't mean I am awesome. I too have had my dark moments. I too go through crap and become confused; sometimes more than anyone else could possibly imagine, due to my past. Just because everything appears to be fine on the outside with the exception of some of my words and actions, I have so much going through my mind that sometimes I just need to pensieve. That's pretty much what I'm doing now.
I'm so damned confused.
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