...I once again that I were at home...

Home. What is a home? Home to me isn't a specific location. Location are empty until filled with the people that will inhabit that location. With that said I'm sure that when I say I want to go home to Maryborough, I mean that I want to go home to everyone I grew up with and who were involved in my life up until I came up here. With one exception: JL. I consider JL as part of my home now. She is possibly the best friend I have ever had, and without her, I don't know where I'd be now. Actually, honestly, I'd probably have dropped out of uni and decided to be a bum, because that's what my mum and sister were. As much as I never want to be anything like what they were and still are, I think I would have become more like them. A frightening thought. But I am digressing.

Yesterday was one of the hardest days I have had in a long time. I began the day by waking up from a dream involving the weirdest situation ever. It was so bad that I have been trying to push it out of my mind; to little  avail.

My dreams are getting progressively weirder. I've been having weird dreams all through my life, but to have a dream such as THAT?!?!?!?! GAHHHHHHH!!!!

As much as there maybe the smallest element of what I want in that dream, the great majority of the dream was 'WHOA, I just want to forget that!'

Continuing...

So I woke up from a bad dream. Then I woke up a few hours later to my alarm which was set way too early and therefore gave me too much time to go back to sleep. Long story short I missed the All Saints mass in town. Sadface.

To make the day worse, as much as I tried to study, I couldn't absorb anything. My brain seems to get like this after dreams regarding that person. Digressing.

RCIA meeting was next. This week was discussion about ethical issues, in particular regarding realtionships and sexual ethics. I involuntarily subconciously switched off. It was like my brain built a brick wall and would not allow me to pass through that wall, no matter how I tried. Maybe that was a good thing?

By the end of RCIA I was ready to cry for the gazillionth time that day. I'm sure I must be reaching insanity. After all, not everyone has as vivid, frequent and strange dreams as I do. No one reacts to small pieces of reality like I do. No one else seems to have foster sisters who question your sanity based on their facebook stati. I don't know, maybe I'm just... For want of a better word... Insane???

Next point.

Here's where I start crying. Every time I ring home it's like they don't have time to talk to me. There are always kids to be dropped off, meetings, social occasions and other things going on that have rendered my calls on the bottom of the priority list. Very sadface. I just want to talk to them, get some advice. To be honest, I just want to go home and hug them. Especially my twin brother who, for the first time in both our lives, I will not be able to spend my Christmas with. I miss him so much. I just want to hug him and talk to him and see how he is. None of this superficial talk stuff, just proper deep and meaningful catch up conversation. Just like the old days.

I also very much miss my foster sisters. SJLH and SRD in particular. These lovely ladies are the best older and younger foster sisters anyone could ever have and I miss you both to bits. BLLR is the best foster niece ever and I miss her absolutely to bits as well.

Then there are my friends. My friends from primary school, my friends from high school and my friends from out of school. The most special ones know who they are. Especially my very very very best of friends. If you are at least 900km away and I talk to you at least once every two weeks, you are definitely one of these people. My baf  and JL are exceptions to this rule. I don't keep in contact with baf enough and JL lives less than three kilometres away. You two are my very best friends. ♥'s to you both girls.

On another note, I shall get ready for JL to come over so we can grab groceries. I hope this post hasn't been too long or insane or sad sounding. I just needed it all off my chest. To end with some thing awesome, I shall post a picture of Sandy's beetle, Sandy and I.