It's been over six years since we last 'spoke'

How is it, that, after all these years, I still feel so strongly for you. I thought those feelings were gone, until I saw your reaction to seeing me. I don't know what you think of me. I guess that's life, huh? I feel like if I give this guy a chance, I'd be letting both you and I down. I still don't know if I could ever love another the way I've loved you... Or the way I still seem to. 

Blue

That is all.

BULLYING IS NEVER OKAY!!!

Depression rears its ugly head,
And ideation follows in its tread.
A video describing a story of a girl,
Pushed and pulled, bullied in a whirl.
The comments that follow only show ignorance,
Of a society who walk around in a trance,
Forever blaming the victim's reactions,
Instead of condemning the bullies' actions.
For though the video only shows three,
The bullying events are usually a spree,
Not lasting only a few days,
But years, conducted in any number of ways.

Be nice to all you meet,
For it's better to treat,
All around as neat,
Than leave them having been pushed off their feet.

Early Mornings

It's been so long since
I have not had to wince
At waking up at 5 am
And the first time without mayhem...

It's beautiful at this time of morning...

Quiet...

Cool...

Peace...

Gentility...

Even the traffic is intermittent...

Still as can be,
soon there'll be
a small breeze,
But not enough to freeze...
I know I'll soon sneeze
Then feeling fresher than febreeze.

Poetry Blog

I have a blog that I've set up under another account (that I'm using as my more professional account.) I haven't been writing much in the last couple of months as life has been pretty limiting, writing-wise, between my health and different major families-related (yes plural, I was a foster kid) situations that have come up.

I do intend to at some stage start a blog where I talk about novels and another where I talk about short stories, but they are a while away and for now, I really just want to focus on getting my poetry blog running more regularly again (as regularly as possible, since I also have multiple chronic pains and illnesses to contend with.)

Me? I am now a 25 year old Bachelor of Education (Secondary) student who tutors kids and loves what she does. My minors are English and Chemistry (Yep, I'm a proud nerd!)

Life is altogether both very different to what it was when I started this blog (the one you're currently reading) but also internally I am still the same me, just now working on developing the better parts of me further.

I hope to be a successful writer and educator, as well as to be my real (and best) self.

My poetry blog can be found at: poettreeinmotion.blogspot.com.

A warning though before you journey there: There is a lot of content there that deals with some hugely heavy life stuff. Some of the content may be hard for some people to read as some of the content has been written to deal with traumas, depression, anxiety, grief and loss, abuse and other hard-hitting topics; but at the same time it is not all hard hitting. Some of it is also fluffy or joyful or just playing around.

Another thing is that I write poetry, and my poetry (just as with most other poetry) can be read both as it is or with its many levels of symbolism, connotation and reality.

Levels of reality you ask? Yes. Levels of reality. By this I do not in any way mean that what I say isn't real (except for the ones where it's obviously fiction: eg. the poem inspired by an afternoon dream featuring a crab waiter in an in-river restaurant.)

When I say levels of reality I'm talking about layers of symbolism that refract multiple facets of a particular subject or object. Fire is a good example of this. Fire can symbolise warmth, burning, light, consumption, anger, wrath, passion, love, concern, and many other concepts.

I do use a lot of alliteration and rhyme; I sometimes use metre, sometimes don't, and other times use combinations. Formation of the poems is generally serious fun for me, even when I'm writing about difficult topics; its what helps to move through the difficulty.

I love writing and I love experimenting with writing and different ways to tell stories that bring the truth, reality, and emotion of everyday (and some not-so-everyday) situations and events to life.

My apologies for this long blog post, but I'm a firm believer in explaining myself in a real manner, whilst also trying to write as well and experimentally as I can.

Goodnight, God bless and I hope you enjoy my new blog (that's actually now a number of months old.)

Anniversaire de Adieu

Tomorrow it is Sunday,
and eight years hence:
Since that damned forsaken night,
When I nearly toppled over the fence.

The fence that divides this life from the next,
The fence that is spoken of in many a text.

Yet I lay here, it's nearly dawn,
And the memories come back faster than a passéd yawn.

The bench, the river, the park, the bank,
That golden time before into adulthood we sank.

The energy then seems so distant now,
So why do you keep coming back? Wow.

I never expected to be the woman still in love,
With a man she knew well before he gave her the shove
Right out of his life though in and out for a while,
In conversations that to this day, still make me smile.

I wonder if again we will ever talk, friend?
And make this distance, this distance ever end.

Eight years hence and still on the living side of the fence,
Living on a dime and just a few pence;
But living and loving onwards I'll tread
Until you're hopefully the last book I'll have read.

Honesty

So originally I was going to write something on the 3rd of this month and can't remember. Definitely not doing well with blogging.

This week I found out that a brother who I thought had committed suicide a couple of years ago was actually murdered: and there's evidence. Get this though, there's a corrupt cop in that town who has pushed it all under the carpet and treated the mother of this brother horribly and rudely.

In the same week I find out another brother has been threatened by his fiancé's dad that he'd have truckies at his door if he didn't break up with her and so had to break up with his fiancé without letting her know why. Those two loved each other, and she treated him well and now it's over and I'm pretty upset about it.

I'm upset about it all.

I have one of my mothers who is already sick enough having to go through utter hell and back before the death of one of her sons... I just want to give her the biggest hug and help her... I'm just so far away.

I'm frankly quite annoyed and frustrated by our justice system that keeps letting the perps get away with it all and the victims left suffering even more.

My heart hurts.

When is it all going to stop?

This world is horrible.

I'm glad what comes in the next life will be great. I am loving life now though as well. I'm learning embroidery, I sew things, I have a great best friend (despite the fights) and I finally have home internet again...

Hallelujah!

God is good; I just need to remember to take everything one moment at a time, one day at a time.

Depression and The Living Fight

Broken, hurt, ignored, unwell,
What will it take for them to tell
Me that they see my struggle and my fight
To give and do, each day with might,
To live with suffering that's out of sight,
To everyone except for me: especially in the dead of night.

...

I wish I could forget sometimes; but I realise I don't want to forget what it was like to love and be loved so intensely.