All I wanna do is cry,
But the tears, they just aren't coming.
It seems that every time I try,
I somehow fall short,
No matter how I keep on running,
Keep on hoping, keep on trying,
Keep on giving my best,
But more and more I have to rest,
I keep getting put to the test.
My heart doesn't know how much more it can handle,
And the light I feel I have is less than a candle.
I isolate now,
I stay quiet now,
Words don't seem enough,
Don't feel enough,
Don't scream enough.
I feel invisible.
I keep failing,
Keep flailing,
Keep railing to try getting better,
And though outside my tears seem dry,
Inside they keep getting wetter.
It's no longer a river,
No longer a fever,
No longer am I a retriever,
For I've forgotten how to be a receiver
Of love and warmth and care,
When all I feel is terror at all the trials and errors.
I'm not okay, not even a bit,
But I'll keep on trying to be fit,
Fit for me,
Fit for learning,
Fit for yearning for the hopes of a better tomorrow,
With far less sorrow and worry and woe,
And perhaps more joy ready to sow.
I wanna be free,
But all I can see
Is the prison I live in,
Population me.
Every effort is thwarted by a body that just keeps letting me down,
And all I want to do is smile, but all I can do inside is frown,
Because there's a spirit inside me fighting so hard,
To be kind and loving and free,
In a world where my body doesn't listen to me.
This pain is crashing over me like waves,
The tears they well and at least some drop.
That's better than the none that usually fall,
And keep welling up inside despite me doing my all.
My world is a nightmare,
And all I want is to be free,
To live and love and be fit and see,
Without the fall of another health flare.
Sleep you'd think would be a release,
But it instead exhausts more,
With vivid experiences of loss and war,
And the eventuality of all I love being taken from me.
Some are lucky and have dreams come true,
But I've seen more than my fair share of nightmares come true.
I just want to float and be free,
And be fit to explore the world around me.
