... I write about yet another morning with strange messages left for me...

So I wake up this morning with nothing much on my mind. Nothing, that is, until I reboot my computer to find K has liked 17 things on my page, left me a random facebook message stating that he did, as well as including other content in not only that message, but the 33 IMs he left me on msn. I mean what the? K hasn't replied to my messages which ask for explanation and so I am left confused; AGAIN! Why K? Why? Don't you realise everytime you do this you confuse the heck outta me? As much as I still may feel for you, I still expect you to explain your intent. Especially now.

Time to Vent I Think...

Need  to... need to... need to... NEED TO VENT!!


VENTVENTVENTVENT VENT VENTVENTVENT VENTVENT VENT. VENt.VEnt.Vent.vent..


Work= awesomely busy, great times, a little hard at times, but definitely worth it.


and...


Uni= ditto work + assignment due tomorrow (Actually today!!!)

Panic Stations:
PANICPANICPANICPANICPANICPANICPANICPANICPANICPANICPANIC!!!

*Takes a deep breath*

Must forget distractions, must relax, must believe in self, must enjoy life, must do good at work, must do good at uni, must do well at cadets (Thank goodness its not on this week or next!), must be a good friend, must keep goin, must stop being distracted by my own personal issues.

*Takes another deep breath*


I think I feel a lot better now...

Vent accomplished successfully.

...I think about yet another day in the life of me...

Well, today. Tis very strange. Has been very strange. Still feels kinda strange. Still not used to being an adult. Me? An adult? I still shake my head at the thought. But its true, and I have to live with the consequences. I still wonder where all those years went, especially 2009. Such a surreal year. The year that changed life as I knew it. Forever. A strange word that. Its hard to contemplate what forever is. But when you have a year such as I did in 2009, you realise that the effects of some things will never leave you. They will be with you forever, and that makes contemplating forever oh so much easier; yet harder at the same time... I hope this thing with N doesn't continue forever. That would be hard, weird, strange, I really can't think of a term adequate enough to describe it. Assignments. I think I am looking forward to this essay for law. It should be pretty good. Impressed, and very pleasantly surprised how I went on my 1104 class test. 11.25/15 isn't too bad for someone who spent two weeks sleeping all day, up all night, sick; and studied incessantly in order to try to catch up for around a week before the exam. Quite pleased. Today is weird. Though I have the issue with N, and had a very strange and almost unsightly (not the best term, but describes it in my mind, sort of) day yesterday, I seem and feel quite content today for some reason. I dunno. Its really strange. I miss my friends and family down south; I miss them all. Its just really weird that for some reason I am still content. What the? I really don't understand it, but you know, its great, and I'm enjoying it. (I think I need to use less commas, definitely some thing to improve upon...) Well, I think its time for me to study now. Until next time; Catch you later!

... I have another pensive moment...

Work. Work is good. Work means money. Money means I'm getting closer to getting my own set of wheels. Wheels. I like wheels. They help me get places in life. To and from, here and there. Buses, Trains, Cars, Bikes, Rollerskates, Ripsticks, Skateboards. Wheels. Want own motorised wheels. Not motorbike type of motorised wheels, but car. Automobile wheels. Automobiles is old way of saying cars. Old. Cars. I like old cars, they are reliable. Reliable. Friends and family. I love reliable friends and family. I miss lots of friends and family. I like this music. Music helps. Music soothes. Music heals. Music breaks. Music makes me cry. Music makes me smile. Music makes me miss you. Music makes me glad I have the life I have. Music is my way of expression. Expression. Faces. Acting. Masks. One wears many masks. Many, many masks. Countless masks. Must put mask on when unhappy, so world wont ask whats wrong. Sometimes I don't know how to answer. Sometimes I dont want to because the words make the pain more real. Real. This is real. Life is real. I am real. Here is real. Uni is real. Why must assignments be real? Why must this pain be real? Why must the heartbreak from you remain? I wish i knew what you REALly think of me. I miss you, can't you see? Sometimes I sacrifice my sleep so I can talk to you. You. I miss you. You make me laugh. You make me cry. You make my muscles hurt inside. You make me happy, You make me sad. Don't you see the effect you had? I wait... and wait... and wait, I love this song. It reminds me of when we were together. That first 7 aside comp I went to, and went running in the rain. It makes me miss you more. It reminds me of my loneliness... esp at 3am in the morning... A message, another message from you. Oh, the suspense. I know you're not gonna say what I want you to, but hey. That's Life. That magazine showed me how smart I can be, and now, how other people sometimes aren't. Yep another message with no true, deep meaning. Sometimes I wonder. I really do. I wonder about everything. Anything and everything. Loneliness.Stream of thought. Love. Life. Sadness. Computer. Love this song!!! Back to where I started, chasing after you, but standing here until you make me move. I won't move unless you do. I hope this isn't a catch 22. I miss you. As much as I'd love o continue this all night... and morning, I have Uni tomorrow, and a life to live other than talking to you and being pensive all night. Good night my lovely tree of flames. Let your light shine through me. You, the fire inside me, that is so desirable, yet the one that will ruin me, that did ruin me, will continue to, without you even realising. Song. Music. Though its darker than December, whats ahead is a different colour... awesome song!!!

...I send another message to a member of my long long lost foster sister, SRD...

hey :)

Long time no catch up aye? A few things:

Im so glad to hear you're quitting smoking :D well done! I remember you and mum  saying to me when I was little that if you ever found out I was smoking that I'd get a kick up the bum. Guess what? You guys don't have to :D I learnt from when I was little... don't smoke :)

I'm really missing you all... like crazy. I miss everyone that has ever meant alot to me, especially you guys. I've had a few moments in the last couple of weeks which reminded me of when I was just a little girl who thought she was a big girl out on the farm. I miss those days...

I thought I would let you know that I will be getting confirmed on the 21st November up here in Townsville. I dont know whether that interests you, but I thought I'd let you know :)

I have quite a few friends up here. Some better than others obviously, and I have one really best friend up here who is American, but absolutely awesome as! I still get lonely quite a lot, but thats cos I miss you all, and all my friends and families from Maryborough too...

Life is quite busy in general with work, cadets and uni. It is quite hard to keep up at times, and sometimes I think of giving up cadets, but I'd miss it too much. There's my sentimental foolish self again, haha... hording activities and memories now though instead of random bits of crap, haha.

Music is an awesome thing!! Sometimes I listen to it, sometimes i sing along to it, sometimes I dance (but I can't dance on the ceiling ;) LOL ), sometimes I even write it, especially when I'm feeling down.

Well... thats enough about me, haha... I'm pretty boring really, same old Tammy, just, well... grown up now (sad), and with better clothing sense, HAHAHA Let me know what else is happening aye, I love hearing about whats happening in your world and the world of gayndah/the downings in general :)

Miss you!

Love always, you're strange little  unusual foster sister,

Tammy :D