Last night I had quite a number of dreams, involving a few of the most important people in my life, questions regarding where I stand with some of them, weddings and people with very unhealthy obsessions with weight.
People say that dreams are based on one's deepest thoughts and emotions. I guess in my case, my dreams are pretty spot on with their content. Where did all this stem from? My recent 'holiday' from which I have only just returned.
I can't get any of these things out of my mind. Trying to reason myself and figure out where I stand and whether my perspectives are accurate are really coming to the forefront of my daily thoughts. I lose sleep because my brain is constantly processing these thoughts and honestly, I'm quite over it. Everything is so confusing and I don't know who or what to believe when I'm told things and when there are conversations with many mixed undertones incorporated into them.
Someone says and acts one way around you face-to-face contradicts what others say that the same someone said to them. What am I to believe? The words, actions and conversations or the friend who says they were told everything, then says 'Wait, what?' when you tell them something about the situation they didn't know about. What is 'someone' hiding?
Then there's the pressure from seemingly everywhere to get a boyfriend, settle down, get married and have kids as well as lose weight because {quote} my shoulders are too rounded [because I've put on too much weight] and put too much on my plate at a buffet, even though I had eaten a whole plate LESS than just about everyone else.
I'm too immature, I'm not going to be able to go through uni, I can't afford a car, I need reduction surgery when (if) I get into the field I want to work in. I'm a terrible daughter, terrible sister and terrible friend apparently, yet I try my best for everyone else. I can't be perfect, and I'm sick of trying. Can't people see that?
Honestly? I know life won't cut me slack, but could the people in my life, especially some of the people important to me PLEASE give me a break. The moment I do anything at all for myself, all I get is criticism. Please let me be. In time you will see that I can be what you all want... just give me time and give me a break.
Oh and to the 'someone' in the fourth paragraph, if you actually read this you will know who you are. Not talking to me at all doesn't help my confusion, and neither does the fact that (a) you acted one way around me and then told your friend a completely different story (or so I'm told) and (b) just tell me where we stand because I am honestly sick of second guessing. If you want to continue the way we agreed to nearly to years ago, that's great: but leave it platonic rather than mixing in messages that confuse the hell out of me.
I guess I'm not the best blog writer, but I don't care. I will finish this blog with a quote, which I really love. Take notice:
People say that dreams are based on one's deepest thoughts and emotions. I guess in my case, my dreams are pretty spot on with their content. Where did all this stem from? My recent 'holiday' from which I have only just returned.
I can't get any of these things out of my mind. Trying to reason myself and figure out where I stand and whether my perspectives are accurate are really coming to the forefront of my daily thoughts. I lose sleep because my brain is constantly processing these thoughts and honestly, I'm quite over it. Everything is so confusing and I don't know who or what to believe when I'm told things and when there are conversations with many mixed undertones incorporated into them.
Someone says and acts one way around you face-to-face contradicts what others say that the same someone said to them. What am I to believe? The words, actions and conversations or the friend who says they were told everything, then says 'Wait, what?' when you tell them something about the situation they didn't know about. What is 'someone' hiding?
Then there's the pressure from seemingly everywhere to get a boyfriend, settle down, get married and have kids as well as lose weight because {quote} my shoulders are too rounded [because I've put on too much weight] and put too much on my plate at a buffet, even though I had eaten a whole plate LESS than just about everyone else.
I'm too immature, I'm not going to be able to go through uni, I can't afford a car, I need reduction surgery when (if) I get into the field I want to work in. I'm a terrible daughter, terrible sister and terrible friend apparently, yet I try my best for everyone else. I can't be perfect, and I'm sick of trying. Can't people see that?
Honestly? I know life won't cut me slack, but could the people in my life, especially some of the people important to me PLEASE give me a break. The moment I do anything at all for myself, all I get is criticism. Please let me be. In time you will see that I can be what you all want... just give me time and give me a break.
Oh and to the 'someone' in the fourth paragraph, if you actually read this you will know who you are. Not talking to me at all doesn't help my confusion, and neither does the fact that (a) you acted one way around me and then told your friend a completely different story (or so I'm told) and (b) just tell me where we stand because I am honestly sick of second guessing. If you want to continue the way we agreed to nearly to years ago, that's great: but leave it platonic rather than mixing in messages that confuse the hell out of me.
I guess I'm not the best blog writer, but I don't care. I will finish this blog with a quote, which I really love. Take notice:
Take me as I am or watch me as I go.
~Unknown Author
~Unknown Author
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