...I ponder on what lay in the past, what lies ahead and what is as I lay here...

...I ponder on what lay in the past, what lies ahead and what is as I lay here...

...lonely in a world full of people, and scared beyond measure.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

...I, I, I...

...don't know what to think.
...don't know what to do.
...just don't know.

Trying my best for everyone else, and losing myself.

Losing my friends because I don't, won't and can't say no to working extra shifts, because there is simply no one else to work the hours I do. Losing hours away from work means losing hours to spend quality time with some of my very best friends. I'm sick of being too busy for them; and accidently double-booking myself when I do end up getting time off... Or simply being too sick or tired.

It aches. My muscles ache, my back aches, my feet ache, my head aches; and most of all, my heart aches. My body aches because I do so much, my heart aches because I miss my friends, I miss my family and I miss my late night talker.

It's all swimming around in my brain. I worry that I'm not good enough at my job. I know I'm not good enough at uni at the moment. I certainly think I'm not good enough at being a good friend at the moment and I am completely sure that I'm not looking after myself the way I should be.

The answer to the way I keep dealing with this: Shrug my shoulders, say "Oh well, maybe I'll fix it in a week or so..." and sadly; this cycle continues. It's getting worse as time goes by and I'm really trying to fix it properly now. Let's just hope I end up doing better because, let's face it: failing uni just isn't good enough and neither is not spending enough time with my friends.

Something to finish off with:

Just keep smiling. :)

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